Paperweight
by 96flowers
Summary: Tumblr prompt: "Well, it makes a great paperweight." One-shot. Just another typical day at MI6 and 007 can't seem to keep his equipment in working condition. Post-Skyfall. New Q.


**Tumblr Prompt: "Well, it makes a great paperweight."**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own James Bond.**

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Q sat at his desk, tapping his pen against the metal table impatiently. He was waiting for the most well-known of the double-0 agents, James Bond. Bond had just returned from a mission in Argentina and was currently in a mission debrief with M before he was due to turn in his equipment to Q, or rather, what was left of it. Q already knew that most, if not all, of the equipment had been damaged or outright destroyed, save perhaps the gun that Bond used to make his escape with.

Q knew this because he had been the one on comms for the latter part of the mission. 007 had requested him personally when it became clear that the mission was going to get very violent. The original mission had been straight forward, a simple undercover stake out to gather Intel for a larger mission happening at a later date, because of this it was decided to let one of the newer recruits to Q-branch handle the comms. What most people don't realize is that while Bond is absolutely an ass-hole, he can actually be quite nice when he wants. When he is assigned new recruits, which happens more now that Q knows his soft spot for them, Bond tunes down the sarcasm and yelling so that they can learn about leading a double-0 through their missions.

About 20 hours into what was supposed to be a 48 hour mission everything went to hell. The group who Bond had been watching apparently knew who he was and what he was doing there. (Q suspects there might be a mole in MI6, but that's a completely different story) They called for back-up which was picked up over the bug that 007 had managed to plant. The recruit on comms warned Bond that he had hostiles incoming and he needed to make a quick escape. Though when he checked the satellites and CCTV cameras it became apparent that back-up was much more than he had been expecting. Realizing what was happening Bond quickly asked that Q be given control of comms.

Once Q was in control Bond stopped controlling his mouth and voiced his frustrations while Q led him through the maze of the city. Bond had only been equipped for an in and out stake out, so he only had his Walther and a few spare clips, because of this it was up to whoever was on comms to get him out with as little damage as possible. That's why Q had been requested, the recruit had stayed and watched over Q's shoulder with a headset on so he could observe what many agents called the perfect Q/00 team that had ever passed through MI6. So 2 hours, one stolen car, 6 magazines of bullets, three exploding gas tanks, and a downed helicopter later, Bond was racing up the stairs to his getaway plane and on his way back to London. 15 hours later Bond had arrived back at MI6.

That had been over two hours ago and 007 still hadn't shown up in Q-branch and Q was getting impatient. It was nearing midnight and he wanted to go home and sleep. Everyone else had left several hours ago, including the recruit. Just then the sound of the elevator doors reached his ears and he perked up slightly. A few seconds later a ruffled and bruised, but mostly uninjured, James Bond walked through his office doors with the black bag that was distinctly more singed than when it left there 37 hours before hand.

"Q," James sighed as he closed the door behind him. He placed the black bag on the desk and all but collapsed onto the couch in the office. "I hate stake outs."

"I know," Q snorted coming around the desk and sitting down next to the exhausted agent. "But you are one of the two agents I trust to help train my new minions and not scare them off."

"I regret letting you see me drunk," James groaned letting his head fall back and Q smirked slightly at the memory. It had been about two weeks after Skyfall and James had been off grid since he returned and Q had been worried about him. Using his considerable skills Q tracked him down drinking his ass off every night in Cardiff, Wales. He took a few days off and drove down to see if could try and stop the man from killing his liver. Q ended up staying with Bond for two weeks to help him through his grief. The two had come out of the experience as close as brothers. Q became one of the few people to ever see the man with all of his walls down. That's why Bond allows Q to stick him with the newbies, he knows that Q will be right there to keep him alive if things go to shit.

"No you don't," Q responded patting the poor double-0 on the knee before getting back up to check on the equipment. "Now, what's not completely destroyed?"

"Well," 007 sighed. "Most of the big recording equipment was left behind when I needed to make my escape. I'm pretty sure that it's destroyed, by the sounds of the automatic gunfire that blasted the room as I ran down the stairs. If the gunfire didn't destroy it the fire would have, and if there is anything left intact they won't get anything off of it. I had time to download everything onto the drive that's in the front pocket before activating your memory purge program. The bag was thrown around a lot in the car chase. I don't know the state of what's left."

"Well at least you managed to keep the flash-drive intact," Q murmured as he inspected what was left of the equipment. He pulled a blackened round object out of the bag and held it to eye level and looked at it in confusion. "Is this the long range microphone?"

"Hmm?" James hummed before lifting his head to see what Q was holding. "Oh, yes, it was hit by the flaming torches that they threw through the windows to try and smoke me out. I don't know why I grabbed it to be honest."

"It's completely useless now," Q sighed and placed it down on the table. "Can't repair damage that extensive. It will be cheaper to just replace it."

"Well," James drawled with his trade mark grin in place. "Its not completely useless. It makes a great paperweight."

"007!"

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 **Well? How was it?**


End file.
